Pretending to be Ok

I need to just admit it now. Genuinely, opening, and honestly.

I am not ok right now.

I haven’t been for a while, but this year has been a blur for everybody I imagine, or the worst year of peoples lives. If this is either of you, then I am truly sorry and I am sending you my love.

This is not going to be me rambling about how I feel, having said that I will be sharing some parts of that. However the aim here, is to make you feel like you belong here. Of which, you do.

I cry many days, and what feel like many rivers. Its a wander how there are any tears left in my body to cry sometimes. I have to remind myself constantly, that it is totally normal, in a world crisis. Which – IT IS by the way! I say that, just in case you’re like me and trying to downplay your emotions.

You are valid.

You are heard.

You are loved.

When I cry, I feel genuinely alone. Completely isolated from the people that I love. I live inside this head, that makes me feel worthless 99% of the time. (You think I’m joking? – I wish I was.)

Yes, yes, maybe “Boo you” is in order to say to me, but quite frankly, I just want to get on, move on, see my friends again, and pretend like 2020 did not even happen, and when December 31st comes around we say.. OH HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020! Because genuinely.. let’s start over.

Have a good cry. It is ok to feel lonely, it is ok to feel upset. It is ok to have these dark down days, because the whole world is literally in commotion. It is normal, it is happening and it has touched the hearts of people across nations.

Isn’t it interesting, how a global pandemic can bring nationalities together, to help fix the problem, even if we come from different backgrounds, speak different languages and eat different foods.

But something so key to remind yourself here and now… and I want you to drum this into your head and the heads of those around you.

Physical health is JUST AS important as mental health.

They both intertwine with each other. One can nor survive without the other and vice versa. Don’t believe me? Go and research it! Or live it, like I did 2 years ago.

Go and cry. Have a bath and chill and watch love movies and cry whilst eating ice cream. It is ok to have days where all we want to do is moan, cry, be angry or be upset. This is normal, it is ok, and the more we start normalising this the more our hearts and minds will be grateful.

Grateful for the opportunity to be more than what we are. People who understand that we are important. Not just what’s on the outside, but what is on the inside is just as important.

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